26 December 2012

Chocolate Surprise #4: The Final One



I waited until Christmas Eve Eve to make this, right before going to bed. In the morning I threw on some clothes and left for the train station.

I had been debating between a stop motion and a regular vlog. Of course, the vlog would have been much easier, but I was frazzled and I hadn't showered yet so I looked pretty nasty and the stop motion won. I'm pleasantly surprised by how it turned out, considering my left hand was my tripod and I blindly moved the pieces while the camera stayed as still as it could be in my face.

And the surprise inside is definitely the coolest out of the set...I think maybe my faith in these things has been renewed. Until the next hair.

After 17 hours, I'm finally home. Good old rainy California. Wait...

To be honest, I think it would have been a better idea to leave the spaciousness of my room a distant memory. It's going to be fun that first day back in my studio. 

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18 December 2012

Chocolate Surprise #3: The Hollow Cat


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17 December 2012

Chocolate Surprise #2: 50 Shades of Sad


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16 December 2012

Chocolate Surprise #1: Eggs Everywhere


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15 December 2012

Post Title is Post Title

I've been paralyzed when it comes to this blog lately. And when I say lately I mean the past few months, but there's nothing better than a final exam in seven and a half hours to push me to write. Anything but economics, anything.

I've decided -

How many of my posts include that phrase...when the problem is that I can't stop deciding and start doing. So...how are you? Anyone still out there in the void? Anyone ever out there in the first place? I can only imagine that as the words pile up so will the eyes reading them.

I would include an illustration but that's some spasm-inducing spine-tingling imagery.

Today was the first day I left my room in a week. And I'm sure I've done the same with less discomfort many times back home, but here, it's different. In California the sun is always shining through the window, whereas right now it's the dead of winter in Northern France. At least, I hope it's the dead of winter, because if it gets worse from here on out...I'm gonna need a bigger coat.

The shades on my windows are electronic, which is impressive at first, but grows old the first time the power goes out and you realize you can't open your windows. And finally, in fake house arrest (and probably real as well) you learn to be very vocal about everything, even if no one can hear you - precisely because no one can hear you...and any noise, even a weird grunt as you flip your grilled cheese sandwich, is better than silence.

So today I ventured back into the world at the end of reading week, taking out an embarrassing amount of trash to the trash...thing.   It's a row of three small deposit...boxes? One for glass bottles, one for plastic, and another for good old trash, and you'd wonder how the waste of around 300 people could fit in these tiny boxes, but one day I arrived at the residence as the trash truck was doing its business, and a crane emerged from the back of the truck and lifted the boxes away and lo and behold underneath each of those boxes is a metal container maybe two stories tall...and then you remember that sometimes the trash bin still overflows and you shudder and run to your room to wash it all away in alternately scalding and freezing shower water.

After my shift at the library, my collaborative project group took a bus to the city center for our weekly séances. We don't speak with ghosts, but it's close enough. We teach some children about cinema as part of their after-school activities. This week they're starting to write their stories, which we'll make into a short film. The final séance is next week, and then the hair-pulling insomnia-inducing fun of preproduction can begin. I'm really looking forward to it.

But after a week of zero human interaction, an hour with a group of children was exactly what I needed to recharge my batteries...and welcome to the origin story of the creepily vain fairytale stepmother.

An hour has gone by...my final is now in six hours. Still not sleepy. It'll hit me like a brick wall in a few hours...and I haven't even started telling you about my stupid decision to start an 80+ episode Taiwanese drama on Saturday.

For once, I'm dreaming of going home - both Los Angeles and Taipei, rather than leaving it.

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12 September 2012

Strega Nona and the Exploding Cucina

Cooking pasta for the first time in my new place.
I feel a bit like Big Anthony.

Some of the other students at my residence and I have dinner together practically every night in the common kitchen. Everyone brings their own dinner and we talk for an hour or so about the day or our native countries, and inevitably plans are made. A pancake breakfast followed by a picnic at the park where we were annihilated with pantry staples during orientation week. Mass at the 801 year old cathedral. A week-long road trip around France.

I know I shouldn't wish to get used to this, that I should wander around for the next two years in a constant state of amazement and wonder. But I am getting used to it, and that too feels kind of nice. I'm not going to separate my life into wonderful bits and monotony.

For years, I wanted nothing more than to leave Southern California for the rest of the world. But when I watch people's eyes light up when I tell them where I'm from, images of the happiest and glitziest and sunniest place on the planet projected upon their minds, it occurs to me that ultimately, these dream destinations are just pieces of land that have grown abstract over the course of human civilization.

Waxing pseudo-philosophical, I know. I just mean that sure, France is France, with its romantic bready cheesy baggage. And how wonderful it is that I get to live here like it's not all of that, like it's just another place - another collection of dirt and plants and rock and humans and animals and insects - on a mass of rock and lava spinning in an edgeless vacuum.

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05 September 2012

Whirlwinds

I've been away for a long time, and I'm sorry.
But I have a really good excuse! Really, I do.

Have you ever been swept away by life - and I don't mean in a romantic way - where you barely have time to pause and reflect? Things are constantly happening and errands must be run and knowledge must be learned and friends must be made and how the hell am I supposed to make copies of my visa if I haven't received my student card for the copier yet.

Immigration is kind of a hassle. Even the temporary kind.

Still, everything's been a whirlwind of excitement and unexpected friendliness and brain stimulation.

I have no photos and no videos of it all, which, in today's world, seems like a serious loss. I'd rather see it as an indication of something extraordinary, something from which it is impossible to detach oneself.

I will, I think, find one weekend or another to take some photos.

Sometimes I think that this little old city, with its old ladies dragging wicker grocery carts and crumbling walls, is the ultimate gateway drug to the rest of Europe.

P.S. Last night, I dreamed that the director of PotC 4 had also made "Cars 2," and then I gave up on the fandom because of how low it had fallen.

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29 July 2012

Look at All the Phoques I Give

I am suddenly overcome by a paralyzing fear of grocery shopping. It occurs to me that in a few weeks, I will be forced to find food in a foreign language.

How do I know I won't accidentally poison myself by adding detergent to my cereal?

With six years of French classes under my belt, you'd think reading labels would be easy. You are wrong. 

A few days ago I went in for my visa appointment. The guard said, "Bonjour." I replied in kind, because in stressful situations my brain reverts to mirroring. I once entered a store and welcomed the saleswoman who had just greeted me. 

Back to the guard. I thought this would be the end of it, but the terrifying snowball of simple conversation had begun its roll. He continued, "Ca va?" This shouldn't be too hard, I thought, this is French I stuff. But while I had the brainpower to think that entire sentence in the two second conversational pause, this is what came out of my mouth, "Ca va. Et tu?"

Et tu.

I had momentarily forgotten this was not a production of Julius Caesar

I've been worried about my linguistic abilities of late. Alternating to a new language, whose word for baby seal, phoque, offends me, is probably not a good idea (imagine the racy soap opera that would be my life as a French arctic conservationist). I can barely handle English.

A few months ago, I asked my sisters if they were hungry. 

Input: Are you hungry?                        Output: Ya huh?

I don't give a phoque. 
Well okay, maybe one. 
While volunteering for the LA Film Festival this year, I spent several hours opening theater doors. You learn a lot about people when you open doors for them, such as how embarrassed they are about having doors opened for them or how little etiquette their parents taught them or even the subjectivity of etiquette because what if thanking someone for opening a door isn't offensive somewhere in the world. I mean, some cultures have never created a wheel, because it was never necessary. 

Just let that sink in.

Responding to thanks is always nerve-wracking for me. Usually I just nod and hum two notes - Mm hmm - that I assume convey both humility and acceptance of their gratitude, because to do more would be asking too much of my anxiety-ridden mind. But here I was, a representative of the film festival. I had to put more effort into it, so I alternated between, "You're welcome," which Barney the dinosaur taught me, and "No problem," which I learned in middle school was what the cool kids said. The following is not an exact transcription.

You're welcome.
No problem.
You're welcome.
No problem.
You're welcome. 
No problem.
You're welcome.
No problem.
You're welcome.
No problem.
Your problem.

Help.

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26 July 2012

C'est la Vie

My molars have probably been reduced to half their size these past three months. I am a living mortar and pestle. Study in France, they said. You'll nibble at baguettes as you bike around the Eiffel Tower, a small mountain of croissants hidden in your beret, they said.

So far, my journey to the land of cheese, love, and ship-hair has not been so ideal. In addition to school registration and securing housing, I am in the midst of preparing paperwork for my visa.

If I ever get to be a tyrant or despot (a reasonable goal, I think), I will punish my enemies with forms.

Thou hast been sentenced to ten years
Fillingeth out forms
Thou shalt not maketh e'en one single mistake 
Thou shalt not createth e'en one unclear letter or number
Forsooth! If thou dost, thou shalt filleth out four of the same forms in its stead.

It's not that my fingers have cramped. It's not that my eyes are strained reading the fine print. It's that I always write my name on the line that says, "Name," then look down to the next line.

FIRST NAME

Every. Single. Time. 

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10 June 2012

Forgive My Metaphors (They Know Not What They Do)

I take it back. Life isn't an emotional roller coaster.

If it is, how come I'm going through a creative high at the same time the hardest decision of my life so far hacks away at my spirit bit by bit?

Maybe life is a badly-designed set of monkey bars, with bars that hang higher than you can reach on the tips of your toes, then so low you could step onto them, and then both high and low at once?

I've lain awake into the wee hours of the morning every night of the past week. Glued to my bed, I'm forced to face my most pressing concerns. Insomnia wears me down, but I maybe secretly sort of look forward to each night? Because the hours just after midnight are now the magical hours, when the problems of an unlimited fictional universe dwarf my own. My notebook is littered with blindly jotted ideas.

On a side note, my mind dreamt up the coolest looking violin last night.

I mean, it sounded like a violin. It looked like someone had glued five washboards together and given them hinges. With horse hair strings connecting them.

P.S. If life is a box of chocolates, then I'm eating the one with lumpy nougat filling.

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23 May 2012

All or Nothing

The road to adulthood is dotted with false starts, not least of which may be a quiet night in a friend's dorm half an hour away from home.
Moments before hopping into Esmira's car, I sat in a Taco Bell watching Jay play 五子其 against my dad, waves of melancholy and fear churning relentlessly in my gut. I've flown across the Pacific Ocean and lived for a month without my family and taken an overnight train to San Francisco with little notice to my parents, but in the hours leading up to these escapades I turn into a little girl on the first day of school who wants nothing more than her blankie and for her mom to reemerge from the door.

I tried to peer a few months into the future, to the as yet imaginary night when I would force myself through the motions of sleep, my room collected into a couple of fraying trunks at the foot of my bed, as I waited for the alarm to go off that would set the frenzy of relocation in motion. I sent my terror into the future, trying it on.

This weekend wasn't an escape. My worries nagged me as I painted my face in a department store, danced in the waning sunlight beneath a ferris wheel, took the recommendations of a stranger while unaware of his attempts at charm, eyed pregnant prom queens having dinner in a food court with their friends in pink mullet dresses, watched four pixelated men stumble about with tinny voices, slathered colors onto my nails, and made pancakes for the first time in a kitchen overflowing with pots. 

Here I am wishing for a safety net or a peek down the two paths before me. But when has this been anything but go big or go home, all or nothing?

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17 May 2012

Essentials of Cinema

Tomorrow I'll take my final exam and skip off into summer and you'll never catch me for as long as I live. In anticipation of my freedom I've borrowed a few older films I've been meaning to see. Some call them classics, others vintage (although I find this word overused and often wrongly so), and some of my old classmates would call them, "What do you mean you haven't watched that? And you call yourself a filmmaker."
Well here I am, with four movies clutched in my hand. My local library has a t-rex skeleton, a ceiling that changes to imitate the real sky (à la Hogwarts), and an aquarium with sharks (also could be used to describe the movie "Fish Tank" with Michael Fassbender). Surely it has a great collection of films as well. Why, yes it does.
Next week, I'll settle down with cookies, tea (we have sugar in the house agaaiiaiiiaian), and my filmmaking goggles to begin my required viewings. Before that I'm running away with my friends to a shopping center. It has a ferris wheel, you guys. Fearless adventurers, we are. Yoda, I now am.

Photos of Hitchcock, Godard, Scorsese, and Chaplin, credit unknown. If you know, please let me know and I'll update this post. :)

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13 May 2012

Doodle Doodle Doodle

Midnight scribblings in my notebook from last month. Sometimes, words are too much and I escape instead to the land of images. Messy and uninspired images, but wonderfully unfiltered. And each time that I flip through my notebook to get to the freshest page, my fingers always catch on this one. And it makes me smile. 

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12 May 2012

Fueled by Hunger and a Dash of Insomnia

Sometimes when I crawl out of bed and scribble furiously in my notebook instead, I'm playing out some sort of fantasy identity that has fossilized for over a decade in my mind. That of the artist consumed by his art, overwhelmed by his sheer need to create, by god! 

Tonight, I sat up because despite what I tell myself, I'm worried about the coming year. I'm worried about what comes after that. About the direction I'm taking myself. 

So I jotted down what I wanted to achieve in the course of my lifetime. What I wanted to see when I flipped those LIFE tokens over to tally up my points. And then I added below them the foreseeable steps I could take. 

This past year in college has changed me, I have to admit. Subtly, it has opened my eyes to certain realities and given me the acknowledgement I needed to move forward with quite a bit more fuel in my tank. Just now, with my stomach grumbling because it's nearly dawn, I realized I had been sidetracked for the longest time by things that were aesthetically pleasing and easy to stomach. It's time to weed them out, beautiful as they may be. Time to go back to the challenges I love, because when you love something, even the challenges are appealing. Also time to stop playing by someone else's rules.

Tonight, I needed to trap my thoughts on paper so that they could be properly tamed.

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07 May 2012

Scandal

Hell week of sorts begins. Naturally, I kick myself repeatedly for letting papers build up to this point, but last night's three paper marathon wasn't too bad. I watched all the episodes of Scandal, which managed to be simultaneously highly addicting and obnoxious.

Scandal is about a team in Washington D.C. that fixes the scandals of high-profile figures. From affairs to homicide cases, Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) leads a group of lawyers in covering up for their clients. Oh, and Olivia is also caught up romantically with the President. But that itself would be, you know.
Olivia Pope - in terms of her place in the cultural fabric of our times? Wonderful. She's one of the few female characters who are - you thought I was going to say strong - fully developed and nuanced. Yes, she's independent and assertive (we'll just ignore that awkward scene in the Oval Office in episode one, during which I kept screaming in my head, "Push him away! Push him awayyyyyy!!!!), but she's also flawed in ways both major and miniscule. I can imagine what a meaty role this would be for an actress. We need more of these. And what's more, I love that she's a woman of color. There's nothing in her background so far that explicitly indicates her ethnicity, which makes it all the better that such a casting choice was made.

As a character in the fabric of a story, I don't like her as much. Her team builds her up to be this nearly invincible force of nature. "Gladiators in suits," "She doesn't believe in crying," and all that legend-building business. It makes for an initial thrill that quickly wears thin, in part because she makes crucial mistakes almost immediately. The audience must take declarations of other characters when they are repeatedly shown otherwise. I believe that is called conspicuous exposition. Her famous gut barely gets a chance to show off before it is compromised, by nothing other than amour.

Why, girls, why? Why can we be strong in everything but love? What is it about the fairy tale that makes our artistic representations weak? I'm not a cynic. I indulge in daydreams too. But to do a complete 180 personality-wise in the presence of your lover seems ludicrous to me. Maybe I'm too young and naive, but for now, this seems implausible (or at the very least frustrating) to me.

In general, it's great the way the writers have woven in diversity without making a big deal about it. Cyrus, the Chief of Staff, is gay. He just is, no big deal. Oh, the Vice President is a woman? Okay. Once again, however, the show champions progress while lacking as a show. Cyrus is obnoxious because I don't understand his goals and thus cannot empathize with him. I admire the approach in creating him, but I like him as a concept and not a character. After episode after episode of twists and secret dealings, I have to admit I want to skip ahead to the end when everything is tied up with a little red bow.
And one final thing. The first time Olivia intimidated someone, it was cool. The way she spoke without seemingly taking a breath, breaking sentences where they shouldn't be broken, and not letting anyone else get a word in edge-wise. But then she did it seven times in one episode, every time someone needed to be persuaded or intimidated. Armed with that alone, she's become the fearsome figure we see onscreen. Difficult to believe in its powers, especially when Gideon the reporter tears it down in five seconds with some tough talk of his own. In MUN we call that hard-balling (very amusing to a male delegate who thought I was speaking in euphemisms). More than once I wanted to do what my teacher taught us when we get hard-balled (wrong phrasing WRONG PHRASING), stick my hand in her face and say, STOP!

What's more, all the characters started speaking in the same way. There was one moment in particular when Abby and Olivia were screaming at each other, the only difference in their delivery the subtle characterization work of the actors. When one character does it, it's kind of awesome. When all the characters do it, I have to wonder if Woody Allen was in the writer's room.

My qualms pile up on paper, but for the most part, I enjoyed the show and I have to applaud Shonda Rhimes for her work as a writer and producer. We won't get our perfect female or minority characters immediately, but I'm glad we have characters like Olivia Pope along the way. I'll be watching in hopes that the writers of Scandal tweak and polish as the show moves along.

Photos courtesy of ABC.

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06 May 2012

How Do You Dew

It all started with one perfect leaf...
...and the morning dew.
At some point all buildings look similar and car exhaust irritates. And nature, who has been waiting patiently in our yards, sweeps us away with her miniature forests and deserts. 

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01 May 2012

Elixir of Love

A beautiful poem found in my linguistics book. 

Ask the stream why, groaning,
from the slope where it was born, 
it runs into the sea that lures it
and in the sea goes to die. 

L'elisir d'amore
Felice Romani

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30 April 2012

At the Park


Walks are nice because there is so little going on I remember to take photos. And then suddenly there's so much going on: hostile geese, baby ducklings, guarded eggs, mysterious birdhouses, tiny pinecones, and abandoned pinatas.
One of my first film class assignments in high school was to film an example of the various types of shots - close ups, wide shots, etc. - and I shot a close up of some berries nestled at the foot of a tree, almost identical to these. Something about the red, green, and brown is so comforting to me. 
Parks sometimes seem a sad replacement for wild, untethered nature, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much life there was, no matter where I looked, from grumpy old men reclined on benches simultaneously playing electric guitar and smoking cigarettes (no lie) to small hard-working honeybees who grazed my ankles. 



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27 April 2012

Eyeball Roller Coasters

Anthropology was especially enlightening today, full of gems. Highlights:

Are you familiar with the term, "castration?" It's when they remove a man's phallus. Followed by a gasp not heard since the early 20th century.

The Bella Coola, who live in the Pacific Northwest, that Twilight-y area you all know about. How sad that an entire culture must be summed up with a poorly-written populist fantasy novel. He also used "Indiana Jones" to describe Shiva.

Are you guys familiar with Bollywood?
I miss that multicultural bubble where white people were the cultural other. 

And finally...

You know, Prince William married - what was her name? Everyone knew this one. There was, in particular, a breathy Kate Middleton fangirl in the back corner. Priorities?

At the end of the semester, I still don't have a clear picture of anthropology. My eyeballs, however, have loved this semester. Every week they get an average of seventy-three rolls, aka eyeball roller coasters. 

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23 April 2012

Weekend Time Machine

I never thought I'd find inspiration by looking to the past. We're always moving forward, aren't we? Ideas build upon ideas, technologies upon technologies, until we get the wonderful mind-bending complexities of contemporary cinema. Audiences, I have always felt, are so jaded that a twist is usually necessary to wow them. Sometimes, it feels like modern philosophy is that visual bombardment will do the trick.
And then I saw Girl Shy with a live orchestra and more importantly (if that is possible), an audience that laughed and jumped more than I did. For the irrepressible grin as I walked away from the Egyptian Theater alone, I do not regret sitting through unreasonably heavy traffic for two hours. I admit that I had recently started considering other careers. Filmmaking is so uncertain, and what is life and who am I and why are we here and all that. This weekend I found the cure. I just have to think about the joy in that theater and ta da!

So yes, I spent Sunday on Hollywood Blvd, which I like in that kitschy neon tourist cesspool sort of way, watching new (to me) oldies at the TCM Classic Film Festival. Next year I hope to attend the whole thing. I found all sorts of people there - a guy who spoke of LA as a casual Manhattan (really?) and was really excited about being in Hollywood, a woman who clung vehemently to "they don't make 'em like that anymore," and another who declared, "The Titanic sank tonight. On this very night!"

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22 April 2012

Cure for the Common Cold

My throat's secretly been hurting for the last few days. I didn't tell anyone because I was in denial about my oncoming cold. Then last night, I hacked up a bit of phlegm - wait, where are you going? It gets less gross in a minute - and found a dog hair in it. 
I lied. This is pretty gross. I had ingested one of Niu Niu's hairs sometime last week and my body freaked out, attacked until it packed it into a mucus car, and shipped it straight outta town. My throat immediately stopped hurting. It's a miracle!

So today, we learned what phlegm is for, and not to sit behind your dog with a fan blowing towards you and your mouth open. Biology at work, you guys!

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21 April 2012

Classes

Yesterday my literature professor announced an upcoming activity: Theater Detectives. Wait, am I in kindergarten? Deep down, I think it'll be a lot of fun. But here's the thing. I don't want to mooooooove.

Then we returned to group presentations, which I guess I had overly high hopes for because so far I've been giving people pretty "eh" grades. One after another, they read their outlines word for word and underwhelm with their skits. I want to be wowed, or at least not to feel like I've walked into a cesspool of half-assery. (Speaking of half-assery, have some blurry photos from the Classic Film Festival.)
As I placed my evaluation sheet up front, I noticed everyone else had given near-perfect scores. What. I love evaluations and editing papers. I love the feeling of the blood red ink seeping in the paper, seeing the marks all over the page. There's often this disparity between my standards and everyone else's, but unlike other things (body image, restaurant orders, what is and isn't offensive), I am unwavering in my critique. I was not too harsh - your presentation sucked. And everyone else is too easy. I suppose I am the token grumpy British man of peer reviews.
Let me tell you about something that happened in anthropology the other day. Oh, anthro - the stories I could tell if I gave guided tours of my notebooks. They're lined with snarky notes. One day I will make a coat lined with snark and flash people when they are idiotic. 

My professor, who is a nice guy and eager to make sure his students understand by constantly asking "does that make sense?" and writing each statement out on the board (forget short hand!) after rewording it several times (so we can cover all the learning styles!), wrote that Tchambuli men were expected to go to market. 

This followed: "...and when I say market, you guys know what I mean, right? They obviously don't have Ralph's in New Guinea. I mean like a place where they sell produce in stalls, that sort of thing." He proceeded to place "market" in quotations. As though not being a Ralph's made you a quasi-market. Which came first, Ralph's or fruit stalls? Not good enough, Guinean "markets"- or should I say places of trade? Step up your game!

Now I have to go to linguistics, where my professor name-drops "Doctor Who" as a synonym of British. 

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17 April 2012

That's Absurd!

Some would say the title of Krapp's Last Tape is indicative of its merit. Certainly, my classmates in my comparative literature class would. After a lengthy explanation of the play's background - absurdism, post-modernist theater, the despair of the 20th century - we watched the beginning of a film version with John Hurt as the 69 year old Krapp.

Not five seconds had passed before the uncomfortable giggling began. I looked around - was this high school French, where my classmates had launched proclamations of disbelief and confusion at the highly fantastic French films we watched during finals weeks. Laughing at what we didn't understand, whose presence made us uncomfortable. 

Now, in university where the youth of America willingly come to educate themselves, it was the same. Shifting in their seats. Playing catch with the word, "awkward." Mockery of the actor for sitting there - "Great actor right here," "Grammy* for this guy!" - when I would consider the lack of action to be indicative of his talent. Complete and immediate dismissal once the piece had failed to entertain. 

"It's so hard to teach American students European theater," murmurs my professor. Oddly enough, we are covering similar pieces in my upper division French class, and my classmates there are respectful of the work. Our discussions make me go, "oh," and bring the philosophy of each work into the present. It's wonderful and almost convinces me to stay here. Perhaps it comes with age. 

Respect. I try to give at least that to everything I read, watch, or hear. Because someone put in effort, and to them it is the most important thing in the world. Would you mock someone's baby? 

...You are terrible. I've been frustrated by my peers' lack of respect and awareness for difference, and frustrated when I have found it in myself. Why does the world keep returning to those old wars, we say, we desensitized American children who have never experienced war in our homes - or rather, we have, in plastic boxes - for whom war is a story and a reason for mind-blowing explosion sequences. 

Sit still for a second - someone's trying to tell you something, and your initial discomfort only hints that it'll pull you out of your shell. Follow them down the rabbit hole and save your doubts for the end. Don't cast early judgement. You might miss out on something amazingly eye-opening. 

*Grammy's are for music, idiot.

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09 April 2012

Adventure Pack

Every morning is like setting out on an expedition. Once I leave the house, that's it - I'm stranded until evening. I have a lot of free time between classes, and like a petulant child I demand constant amusement. Thank god for sturdy canvas backpacks and free wi-fi.
A purple scarf to keep the morning cold away,
A bottle of dependably refreshing water,
Earphones for when neighboring conversations grow annoying,
A laptop as my virtual refuge,
A worn journal stuffed with captured thoughts,
Glasses to recognize the approaching figure saying hello,
A thin but well-written book for precious moments just before class,
Rose balm for when anxiety destroys my lips,
Cookies for resisting the siren aromas of the food court,
And a phone to warn my family -  I'm heading home.

I'm sure what a person carries daily speaks of the person themselves, whether their character or situation. During graduation, our class advisor read excerpts from student pieces on the contents of their backpacks based on Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. In retrospect, it was quite fitting.

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No Time for April Showers

April in Los Angeles is jam-packed with festivals and events. Maybe I'm finally discovering what a sun-drenched and urine-scented crumbly gem this place is. And I say this with the greatest affection.

Looking forward to...


I've always felt a strong pull away from this city, with its isolating sprawl and early bedtimes. I wanted ivy and brick, community, something at every corner. There was too much dead space in LA. I wanted to be able to walk outside on a sleepless night and find the city still alive, like I could during the summers in Taipei. I'm reminded of Zan Romanoff's piece on Joan Didion. 

Now that I've had more chances to venture downtown, the city's opening up to me. I'm still excited to leave in the fall, but it's a bit more like, no wait - I'm not quite done here just yet.

And the city's like, I'll wait for you come back.

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05 April 2012

Magic and White Noise

I'm excited to say magic is here again and I am knee-deep in a new screenplay. The best part is, I have no idea where the story is taking me.

I started with an image of a girl in a garden, then I layered another image onto that, and another, and another. I have to say this is one of my favorite ways to work. In the moment, I have no concerns other than, what will look amazing following this?

Creation is all reaction. You're constantly fighting the past, and if you're not following the grooves left by previous generations, you're running from it. Awareness of the past and making choices about whether to approach or avoid is a huge part of making art.

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Successful bloggers advise consistent posting, but I feel as though there is so much noise online that the sheer volume of stuff overwhelms me. Imagine we continue producing content at this rate - much of it will become nothing but white noise. So I want to preserve my words until I have something worthwhile to say. I don't want to add to the noise.

Just some thoughts. Of course, being a human being and thus prone to fickleness, I will change my mind in a moment of insecurity at seeing my pitiful blog stats.

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04 April 2012

At the Peak of Mt. Happy

At the top of the world right now. I've got a copy of my article in this month's Dig Magazine in one hand and a letter from Paris bearing exciting news in the other. I may be studying in France for the next two years!

Foreign mail is incredibly fascinating. It's addressed to Mademoiselle Katherine in the États-Unis. Dated with the day before the month, with four stamps that I've never seen before. La Poste! I might just be a bit too excited to see that euro sign and 000,85.

I can hear all the worldly people sighing, "Oh, Americans," with a shake of their head.

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A peek at some of my desktop companions - Paddington Bear and...squirrel? Not to be partial, but Paddington did come home with me all the way from said station last year, when I was distraught and clomping about in a pair of granny pumps and missing trains all over the place. Squirrel was on sale at Urban Outfitters this Christmas, when, in a moment of weakness, I let my sister buy a ridiculously overpriced Domo plushie as a gift for her friend.
But I must say Squirrel is more photogenic. Squirrel 1 Paddington 1? It's a tie!

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30 March 2012

Thinking About the Future

Ispent the day in a fancy hotel with a bunch of francophones, discussing literature, performance art, and cinema in a cross-cultural context (volunteering at a 20th and 21st century French and Francophone literature conference). The panels and subjects were so rich with diversity and depth that my biggest frustration was that I couldn't attend them all.

Among the perks of volunteering: delicious calimari, lamb, and chicken for lunch ♦ green tea orange tea earl grey tea darjeeling tea pomegranate tea with honey and milk ♦ brownies and white chocolate macadamia cookies on a mahogany pyramid shelf ♦ meeting all of these crazy different highly intelligent people who had briefly converged for a weekend in Southern California to discuss their shared passion before scattering once more to the corners of the world.

Everyone's idealism and pure enthusiasm for learning and the arts helped me, if only for a brief second, to find my footing once again against the stress of plain old living (I never really liked realism anyway). In that moment, while a panelist spoke about the reactionary nature of modern travel and another about one writer's infernal portrayal of Hollywood, I thought that I would be okay with being a poor student in France for the next three years, or a penniless filmmaker for the foreseeable future. As long as I stayed faithful to myself and did what I loved, I would be okay with whatever obstacles came my way.

I was especially overcome with the notion that while I loved this community and being here enthusing about these subjects, each paper was about someone else's work, and it was that work, more so than the papers about it, that initiated impact. The pull of action, of creation, is quite a bit stronger.

P.S. I tried to make up for the lack of photos with a drop cap.

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20 March 2012

Double Feature: The Joy of Books | Mourir Auprès de Toi

While watching The Joy of Books, I was reminded of another clever book-related stop-motion. The secret life of books is all too fascinating. I've also included a glimpse behind-the-scenes of Mourir Auprès de Toi. Enjoy!


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I like Mourir... just a bit more for the meatier plot and detailed embroidery. Although The Joy... is a spectacle and quite a feat. What are your thoughts? Did you like one more than the other?

Mourir Auprès de Toi - Spike Jonze + Olympia Le Tan

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18 March 2012

Before All Hell Breaks Loose

The Hunger Games will be released on Friday, and Lionsgate (whose logo is notorious in my house for resembling the opening credits of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) is expecting it to be the next Twilight (It's certainly being marketed as such. I just saw three hideous red t-shirts at Hot Topic. Who designs those things? The same people who make karaoke videos, probably).

The opposite should be true. When I first picked up the book a couple years ago, I prayed to the Book Gods it wouldn't be like most of the teen fiction on the shelves. Don't get me wrong, there are gems in YA Fiction. I was hoping this one would be one of them.
Spray tan + dirt + earthy tones = dystopian poverty

And it was. After a whirlwind that never once allowed me to catch my breath, the book left me with a cliffhanger. A cliffhanger!

Before it becomes a franchise, another marriage of mass marketing and an obsessive demographic gone horribly right, I just wanted to think back to the stunned, quiet moment right after I had turned that final page in my bedroom. Before the sweaty photoshoots and nail polish campaigns that would put the Capitol to shame, I simply read one of the most exciting books in a while.

Honestly, when I saw the way they were marketing the movie, I was upset that they were feeding the same spiel as they had done with the Twilight movies. As though they had to win us over with tons of merchandise and hot stars. We were won over some time ago, simply with a great book. I have nothing against teen movies, but can we be treated as intelligent beings rather than a massive herd of cows to milk?

All things said, I will be watching because I can't wait to see it on screen. Ironically, marketing campaigns don't always reflect their film (see Hugo). Reviews so far are generally positive, so there's hope yet.

P.S. The Mockingjay's song at the end of the trailers is so haunting. It sends chills down my spine.

P.P.S. This brings up another question: to what extent do the gears of a machine have to be united? I mean, does the marketing need to reflect the themes of the book itself? If so, what do you think of the nail polish line, etc, that seems to perpetuate the ideals of the Capitol, a quasi-villain of the book?

Photos via Entertainment Weekly

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11 March 2012

Courage, I Say

I'm bracing myself for what will either be the best or worst news of my foreseeable future, and I have no idea how to go about it. It's like a torturous itch somewhere you can't quite place, a constant wrenching of your gut, bile rising up in your throat at the very thought of the possibilities, both good and bad.

I don't want to raise my hopes too high and have them shattered for the second time, but I also cannot function with the constant twists and turns of dread paralyzing my limbs. I keep playing that half hour over and over in my head, tinted in varying degrees of compassion ranging from steeliness to sympathy.

It's moments like these all the superstition of human history washes over me and I fluctuate between fixating on the positive to influence...what, fate? and talking myself down so that if the news is bad, the fall is not so far, and if it is good, I have higher to soar. I pray to God one second and question his existence the next. I contemplate taking matters into my own hands and call myself meddlesome.

Mostly, I reach for something to hold onto, a strategy or project that I can use to pull myself out of this existential fog. At the moment, it seems like success is futile and mediocrity is all too close. I'm not content with chanting this too shall pass anymore, but I wish I could convince myself that any effort will be worth it.

Only time will tell if I will scroll quickly past these words and their pain, or if I will pause and smile with hindsight on my side.

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10 March 2012

Purple Mountains Majesty

We just returned from San Francisco early this morning, driving through the night and fighting sleep with coffee and sugary snacks.
Cracker Jack is becoming tradition for father-daughter road trips.
A California road trip  with my dad felt so American. I almost expected to turn around and find Kerouac and Steinbeck in the backseat. Farm country as far as the eye can see, and the mountains were actually purple. Katherine, fact-checker of patriotic songs. 
In Kern County, all the trees looked like they had absconded from a Tim Burton movie.  
After my interview the next day, we wandered around Chinatown and got egg custard from the Golden Gate Bakery. On the way back to the car I had some Super Duper Burger. Two out of three isn't bad, right?
And now my stomach is in knots waiting to hear back about the interview. Courage, and a good supply of silly romantic comedies will get me through. In the meantime, the fickleness of my own moods astounds me. 

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